具體描述
基本信息
書名：想讓孩子親近你，先讓孩子信任你
定價：29.80元
作者：潘鴻生
齣版社：北京工業大學齣版社
齣版日期：2016-12-01
ISBN：9787563949632
字數：
頁碼：
版次：1
裝幀：平裝-膠訂
開本：16開
商品重量：0.4kg
編輯推薦
很多傢長抱怨孩子與自己不親近瞭，這是因為父母和孩子之間的溝通齣瞭問題。其實讓孩子親近你也是有秘訣的，你的一言一行，讓孩子感受到你是可以信任與接近的人，孩子自然會願意親近你。
我們要把自己和孩子放在同一個坐標上，不能一個俯視一個仰視，要相互平視，*好的尊重方式莫過於：用孩子的視角來觀察他，用孩子的思想來理解他，同時更要尊重孩子的小小的心靈，這纔是真正把孩子當做一個人來看的基礎。
內容提要
很多傢長都希望成為孩子的知己，成為陪伴孩子一起成長的夥伴。但是在教育孩子的時候，會發現，很多孩子會抵觸情緒，不願意讓傢長親近自己。為此，很多傢長苦惱不已。其實，每個孩子也都會有自己的想法，他們希望得到的夥伴不是在生活中對自己指手畫腳、高高在上的人，而是一個自己信任、也信任自己，能讓自己打開心扉講齣內心煩惱的人。本書結閤當下熱點的案例，及中外一些名傢的理論，讓每一位傢長都學習到，如何親近孩子，如何成為孩子知心的夥伴。
目錄
章 把尊重孩子作為傢庭教育的基礎
尊重孩子是一切教育的前提3
蹲下來是尊重孩子的另一種姿態7
尊重孩子的隱私，贏得孩子的信賴13
尊重孩子就要給足孩子麵子18
尊重孩子的人格，把孩子當作獨立的人22
不要操之過急，尊重孩子的成長規律28
尊重孩子的選擇，給孩子做主的權利34
第二章 用陪伴贏得孩子的心
陪伴是好的教育43
陪孩子一起玩耍46
多陪孩子聊聊天51
世界那麼大，帶孩子去看看57
給孩子更多的愛和關注62
擁抱是給孩子好的禮物66
再忙再纍也要陪陪孩子73
第三章 用欣賞的眼光看待孩子
善於發現孩子的優點83
贊美讓孩子更90
讓孩子發現自己與眾不同95
孩子因賞識而進步101
用鼓勵陪伴孩子成長105
賞識讓孩子揚起自信的風帆110
第四章 用信任幫助孩子健康成長
信任是孩子成長的力量117
學會嚮孩子道歉122
不要讓孩子和彆人做比較127
對孩子說到做到，信守承諾131
放下架子，與孩子平等相處136
正確看待孩子交異性朋友140
第五章 父母要與孩子共同成長
父母以身作則，為孩子樹立榜樣147
管不住情緒，孩子就將離你遠去151
不要將未完成的夢想強加在孩子身上157
提升自身素質，教育孩子的同時完善自己162
父母並不完美，何必苛求孩子十全十美166
不要給孩子設定過高的期望值169
第六章 給孩子自由成長的空間
孩子需要體驗生活的機會177
讓孩子嘗試他想做的事181
讓孩子自己處理問題184
給孩子承擔責任的機會190
給孩子盡情玩耍的自由195
彆把孩子的分數看得那麼重要200
給孩子真正自由的空間和時間205
第七章 與孩子建立良好的親子關係
孩子的話，父母是否真的聽懂瞭213
站在孩子的角度看問題218
打罵教育不齣好孩子223
重視與孩子的非語言溝通225
父母越嘮叨，孩子越不聽話230
與孩子多用協商的語氣說話233
讓孩子心甘情願地接受父母的批評238
第八章 正麵教育讓孩子的心靈更強大
溫暖的傢是孩子心靈好的土壤245
對孩子提齣的各種問題要有足夠的耐心249
感恩讓孩子的生命更充實254
鼓勵孩子，與孩子一起麵對挫摺259
有瞭寬容，更容易贏得孩子的信任265
從溺愛孩子的鏇渦中擺脫齣來269
作者介紹
潘鴻生，暢銷書作者、圖書策劃人、心靈成長導師，對於青少年教育具有自己獨到的見解。近年來緻力於傢庭教育、青少年心理健康及自我提升等相關領域的研究和著述工作。其作品以故事見長，說理精闢，實用性強，為傢長和孩子之間架起瞭一座溝通、理解、親近的橋梁，得到讀者的一緻好評和支持。曾策劃、撰寫過《好傢風成就好孩子》、《好父母給孩子好的教育》、《做人如水的哲學》、《聽南懷瑾大師講莊子》等圖書。
文摘
序言
《 parent-child communication and connection: building trust and fostering intimacy 》 Introduction In the intricate tapestry of family life, the bond between parents and children forms the most vital thread. This bond, however, is not an innate given; it's a delicate ecosystem nurtured through consistent effort, understanding, and, most importantly, trust. "parent-child communication and connection: building trust and fostering intimacy" delves into the profound importance of cultivating a strong, trusting relationship with your child, not as a means to an end, but as the very foundation upon which healthy development and lasting familial harmony are built. This book is a compass for parents seeking to navigate the often-complex waters of raising children, offering practical insights and actionable strategies to foster genuine connection and an unwavering sense of security in their little ones. The Unseen Pillars of a Strong Bond At its core, this book argues that a child's willingness to embrace their parents, to confide in them, and to seek their guidance stems directly from a bedrock of trust. This trust is not a sudden revelation but a gradual accumulation of countless small interactions, of consistent reliability, and of being truly seen and heard. It's the quiet reassurance a child feels when they know their needs will be met, their feelings validated, and their individuality respected. Without this foundational trust, parental efforts, however well-intentioned, can feel like building on sand, easily eroded by the storms of childhood and adolescence. Understanding the Child's World: A Crucial First Step To build trust, parents must first endeavor to understand the world from their child's perspective. This involves stepping outside their own adult realities and immersing themselves in the unique emotional landscape of childhood. This means recognizing that a scraped knee can feel like a monumental tragedy to a young child, that a minor social slight can feel like the end of the world to a teenager, and that their worries, however seemingly small to us, are very real and impactful to them. The book explores the different developmental stages of childhood and adolescence, highlighting the evolving needs and communication styles inherent in each. It emphasizes the importance of observing a child's behavior not just as actions, but as forms of communication. A tantrum, for instance, is not merely defiance but often an unfiltered expression of unmet needs, overwhelming emotions, or a cry for attention. A withdrawal into silence might signal hurt, confusion, or a sense of not being understood. Learning to decipher these non-verbal cues is a powerful tool in building trust, as it demonstrates a parent's attentiveness and willingness to engage with their child's inner world. The Art of Active Listening: More Than Just Hearing Words A cornerstone of building trust is the practice of active listening. This is not simply waiting for one's turn to speak or passively absorbing sounds. Active listening is a conscious, engaged process that involves fully concentrating on, understanding, responding to, and remembering what is being said, both verbally and non-verbally. This book dedicates significant attention to the nuances of active listening. It provides practical techniques such as: Giving Undivided Attention: Putting away distractions like phones, making eye contact, and turning one's body towards the child signals that they are the sole focus. Reflecting and Paraphrasing: Repeating back what the child has said in one's own words ("So, if I understand correctly, you're feeling frustrated because...") not only confirms understanding but also helps the child clarify their own thoughts and feelings. Validating Emotions: Acknowledging and accepting the child's feelings, even if they seem irrational or disproportionate to the parent, is crucial. Phrases like "I can see you're really upset about this" or "It's understandable that you would feel disappointed" convey empathy and acceptance, fostering a safe space for emotional expression. Asking Open-Ended Questions: Instead of questions that elicit a simple "yes" or "no," open-ended questions encourage elaboration and deeper sharing. "What happened next?" or "How did that make you feel?" invite more detailed responses. Avoiding Interruption and Judgment: Allowing the child to finish their thoughts without premature conclusions or immediate criticism is paramount. Judgment can shut down communication instantly, breeding resentment and secrecy. The Power of Empathy: Walking in Their Shoes Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. For parents, cultivating empathy towards their children means making a genuine effort to see the world through their eyes, to feel their joys and sorrows, and to understand their unique challenges. This isn't about condoning misbehavior, but about understanding the emotions that drive it. The book explores how empathy can be demonstrated through: Shared Experiences: Participating in activities your child enjoys, even if they are not your personal preference, shows you value their interests and are willing to connect on their level. Emotional Mirroring: Reflecting a child's emotional state can help them feel understood. If a child is excited, sharing in that excitement with a similar energy level can strengthen the bond. If they are sad, offering gentle comfort and mirroring their subdued mood can convey solidarity. Perspective-Taking: When a child is struggling, helping them articulate their feelings and the reasons behind them, and then offering a gentle, understanding perspective, can be incredibly powerful. Consistency and Reliability: The Bedrock of Security Children thrive on predictability and consistency. When parents consistently follow through on their promises, maintain reasonable boundaries, and respond to their child's needs in a predictable manner, they build a profound sense of security. This reliability is the silent language of trust. The book highlights the importance of: Following Through on Promises: Whether it's a promised outing or a simple gesture of comfort, keeping promises, big or small, builds credibility. Establishing Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Children need to know what is expected of them and what the consequences are for breaking rules. Consistent enforcement, rather than arbitrary or emotional reactions, fosters understanding and respect for boundaries. Predictable Routines: Established routines for meals, bedtime, and daily activities provide a sense of order and security, reducing anxiety and making children feel safe and cared for. Emotional Stability: Parents who can manage their own emotions and respond to their children's needs with relative calm and consistency offer a stable anchor in a child's life. Fostering Open Communication: Creating a Safe Haven for Dialogue The ultimate goal of building trust is to create an environment where open, honest communication can flourish. This means creating a safe space where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, fears, and even their mistakes, without fear of harsh judgment, ridicule, or dismissal. This book offers strategies for cultivating such an environment: Initiating Conversations: Parents should not wait for children to initiate. Regularly checking in, asking about their day, their friends, their interests, and their concerns, even for a few minutes each day, can make a significant difference. Creating Opportunities for Dialogue: Beyond formal conversations, utilize everyday moments – car rides, meal times, walks – as opportunities for informal chats. These relaxed settings can often lead to more genuine sharing. Responding with Reassurance, Not Reprimand: When a child shares a mistake or a difficult experience, the initial response should be one of understanding and reassurance, not immediate scolding. "Thank you for telling me" or "It takes courage to share this" can be far more effective than "I told you so." Modeling Open Communication: Parents who are open and honest about their own feelings and experiences, within appropriate boundaries, model healthy communication for their children. Respecting Privacy: As children grow, respecting their need for privacy, while still maintaining an open door for communication, is crucial. Beyond Simple Obedience: The Gifts of True Connection When children trust their parents, the benefits extend far beyond mere compliance. They are more likely to: Share their triumphs and their struggles: They will confide in you about their successes and seek your comfort and guidance when they face challenges. Seek your advice: They will value your opinion and consult you when making decisions. Be open to your guidance: They will be more receptive to your advice and less likely to engage in risky behaviors out of rebellion. Develop stronger self-esteem and resilience: Knowing they have a secure base of support allows them to explore the world with greater confidence and bounce back from setbacks. Build healthy relationships in the future: The patterns of trust and communication learned in the family environment often extend to their relationships outside the home. Conclusion "parent-child communication and connection: building trust and fostering intimacy" is not a quick fix or a set of parenting hacks. It is a comprehensive guide to cultivating a profound and enduring relationship with your child, grounded in the essential element of trust. By understanding their world, actively listening, practicing empathy, remaining consistent, and fostering open communication, parents can build a bridge to their child's heart, creating a secure and loving connection that will serve as a guiding light throughout their lives. This journey of building trust is an ongoing one, filled with moments of both challenge and immense reward, ultimately leading to a family where love, understanding, and a deep, unwavering bond are not just aspirations, but a lived reality.
