具體描述
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
用戶評價
##the book does bring some interesting perspectives to the everyday notion of affairs
評分##例子生動 文筆到位
評分##很好的兩性關係解讀，無論是否齣軌，都很有幫助。 書摘在此： https://readings.posthaven.com/the-end-of-jobs-by-taylor-pearson-by-esther-perel
評分##existential affair的說法有意思，關係性質彼此明確的話，affair源於個人的existential crisis. 修補關係的溝通：分析需求而非執迷細節，investigative instead of detective approach.
評分##[Audiobook] 比Esther的另一本mating in captivity更深入，畢竟這本隻是專注於infidelity的問題。自己的價值觀和Esther講的基本沒有什麼區彆，但在大多數人和mainstream practitioner看來這樣的openness可能是很極端的，攤手。畢竟現在並沒有做過係統的couple therapy的training，所以也不用很糾結personal value和clinical work的問題。很好奇以後如果做Gottman的training要怎麼整閤非常不同的價值觀233
評分##作者的TED和Youtube上關於這本書對作者所做的interview（Esther Perel with Chris Cuomo: The state of Affairs — rethinking infidelity)也很值得一看。然後不知道是不是作者會九國語言的緣故，或者我的詞匯量太小，感覺整本書的用詞都很晦澀，不想一直查字典就各種連猜帶濛，重溫瞭刷閱讀理解題的感受😳
評分##the book does bring some interesting perspectives to the everyday notion of affairs
評分##寫得有點亂吧，反正人類婚姻關係一整個沒意思。婚女開心就好
評分##寫作風格太散亂，例子太多，看不太下去瞭。不過得到一些啓發
